Welcome to reality Mike.

By the title of this post I mean that I think the reality of this difficult path I/we have chosen is hitting home. I didn't even realize that I didn't write something yesterday. I know yesterday (Sat) was the first day I really felt pretty crappy, so I guess I didn't feel like writing anything. I guess my hope of writing something everyday for the first month or so is not totally realistic. There may be some days that Casey needs to fill in the blanks and add her two-cents worth. I woke up today with aweful fatigue (like, the whole body, all the way down to fingertips). Of course this is normal I've been reminded, along with the eating troubles, and a variety of other discomforts.

Anyway, my big complaints now have to do with fatigue and my stomach. As far as the fatigue, I'm just trying not take it easy, but not succumb to 'the bed.' I've kept up with my 5 or 6 walks today and tried to hang out in the chair. I've been told that this could not only worsen, but go on awhile. A nice nurse today mentioned that fatigue lasts up to a year - thanks. I did actually ask the doctor, and he confirmed that the fatigue can be pretty profound and can "last quite a while." Well, that "may" happen for some people, I won't be limited by 'fatigue' a year out, I'll promise you that.

That brings me to the appetite thing. I can't believe how I just don't want to eat anything. I had some cheerios today and grape juice, but it's going to be all I can do to think of ordering something for dinner. My weight is already down a few pounds, and I didn't have a lot of weight to spare. I hope this gets better over the next few days, but I guess if it doesn't, then I'll have some IV nutrition to look forward to. Boy o boy, what do you say, except, it's always something.

Although there are staff and patients around here, you're kind of on your own, and it's getting a bit lonely. Hopefully, Casey or my mom will feel good enough in the next couple of days to pay an 'in person' visit. They obviously don't want you her if you have ANY kind of cold or bug. Steve has visited on his way to work a couple of times, so that's been nice. My blood counts are close to zero, so there ain't no protection there. The lack of human contact is tough, but part of the deal. I was pretty isolated the last month before coming in here since we knew that if I got another rhinovirus, the study most likely would have not been available to me. So, I think I just feel it more because the lack of human contact thing has been going on long before my admission to the UW.

On another note, I was thinking today how much I am going to enjoy next Christmas. Casey and Jack went to White Christmas last night, my friend Carol sent me a pix of how pretty our house looks with all the lights, and Casey and the boys are going to a holiday program at St. Benedict's tonight (Angela's performing). Missing all these things, and knowing I'll be here for Christmas, is tough, but, boy is next Christmas going to be fun - and appreciated!

Talk to you all soon. By the way, I love you all, but Casey, Jack and Owen, I love you very very very very very very very very very much!! Kisses, Dad

Mike